What I learned in my moments of silence.

It is hard to believe that today is my 9 month mark here in Germany. That means that I have 6 months left... but who's counting?

I just wrapped up a wonderful 2 week vacation while the family was in Norway. What do I do when the family is away? I push back the chairs and dance... but seriously, if you know me at all then that is pretty accurate. The only problem with that is that my computer is broken... (yes I know it is my fault because I didn't buy a mac) and my music is all on the computer... and so doing too much more than pirouettes makes me feel like I'm loosing my marbles. I remembered that I had my MP3 player, which saved me for a day, but then the headphones broke. Thus, I ended up listening to the sound of silence.

Silence can be great. Anyone that has children might agree with me there. However, those who know me well know better than to leave me alone with my own thoughts. I start to think about a lot of "should've, would've, could've" stuff. "Why did this happen? How can I make it better? What can I change" etc etc.

I know. I think way too much... about everything.

One thing that has been honestly driving me crazy about myself is that I feel like I'm not accomplishing anything. I feel like I'm not much more different than I was 9 months ago. Basically I feel like I could be better. So, In my silence, I decided to give myself a little self-evaluation.

Every 6 months, give or take, I like to read my patriarchal blessing and take notes. It gives me an opportunity to see if there is anything that might stick out to me. After I take notes, I like to compare it to the notes from 6 months before to see what might be different. I took 2 1/2 pages of notes this time, compared to the 1 page I took a little over 6 months ago. There are a lot of things that I can do between who I am today and who I could become. I have taken the liberty of making goals that will help work toward the notes I have taken and revise them on Sundays to be able to check my progress. Just by writing them down I already feel so much more productive.

When I first got here I was watching a CES fireside on the church website and I was inspired with a scripture that is sort of my theme while I am here.

"Therefore, dearly beloved bretheren, let us cheerfully do all things
that lie in our power; and then may we stand still with the utmost assurance,
to see the salvation of God and for his arm to be revealed."
D&C 123:17

I can honestly say that I have learned a lot in the last 9 months.I am trying to "cheerfully" do all things that lie within my power. I have learned a lot about love, and I have grown in patience. I have also learned a lot about myself, and I still have so much more to learn. Sorry to sap all over my blog, but I couldn't do this without my family and friends... and I'm going to get personal...

Thanks to Mom and Dad, for listening to me talk about nothing... and for seeming mildly interested. For always reminding me that my kids will most likely be different. For making me laugh and for continually saying a package is coming... so I have something to look forward to.

Thanks to April for keeping me updated on your life, and for making me laugh, and for playing me music over skype so we can jam out together like old times.

Thanks to David for taking care of my car... to give me a little peace of mind.

Thanks to Lety for ALWAYS being there, and for help with all things BYU and for reminding me of the great times we had together in Antioch! Cuidate Chamaca, te quiero MUCHO! Abrazote:)

Thanks to Kristen and Heidi (in no particular order) for accepting my late phone calls... listening to my sad messages... and my happy ones. For writing e-mails, and sending packages... and for loving me no matter what.

Thanks to Allegra Bel for spending 4 days in Italy with me, and not killing me. For always being a help and a pal... and you get extra points for being in my time zone.

Thanks to Meg for putting up with me, even when I don't always get your sarcasm. For allowing me to vent, and helping with the boys, and a HUGE thanks for staying up until the sun came up helping me translate my talk!!!

Thanks to Bart for reading and always reminding me that I'm missed.

Thanks to Laura for being one of my best friends, and for caring about me and reminding me that I am loved. Thanks for being one of my biggest fans:)

I am SO lucky to have you all. I really do love and appreciate you very much. If there is anyone that feels I forgot them I would first have to tell you to re-read this blog so you can be reminded that I am imperfect... and/or you can leave me a comment or whatever.

For those of you who have told me you read my blog because it is funny/entertaining (no I'm not making that up) I am sorry that you are now disappointed, so here is a little video of what makes the days away from home worth it.

See you in 6 months!