Little Lessons Learned

Obviously, my new years resolution was not to blog more frequently...


This blog has been a long time coming. To be honest, my life has been this incredible whirlwind since I arrived home. Leaving my life in Bonn was extremely difficult for me although I was excited to see my family all together for the first time in 5 years. Coming home has not been easy in any respect, but I am already learning, and re-affirming lessons that are vital to my journey.


Never Say Never
I always said that I would never live in Provo. Living in Provo was always the last place I wanted to live. (If you want the soapbox on that... you can ask for it because I won't write it here.) So, the day after Christmas, I moved into a little house in Provo. It was not fun to go through all my boxes at home and decide what needed to come, stay or go away, but I did it. My parents and aunt and my little sister helped out, and I got to spend some time with my awesome sister who stayed the night to help me settle a little. Now I live in Provo... I must be losing it.


Going on a mission is like having plastic surgery (???)
Sunday took us back up north to 2 "mission farewells", that meant I would have to face the ward I had grown up in and give an account of my whereabouts for the last 16 months. My welcome home was announced over the pulpit. Many were unaware that I had left the country, more  were just excited to see me and curious about my time in Germany. There was one common thread in every conversation... marriage.. which I avoided. I thank my father for interjecting "Whatever happens, happens." Thanks Dad.


The most peculiar comment that was made put a bit of a smile on my face. If you visualize it correctly it will make you laugh too. As I was exchanging stories with another woman about our experiences as nannies... she was just getting to the part where they say "now you just need to meet a nice young man..." when I saw, in my peripheral vision, a woman of the older persuasion approaching me as if in complete awe. She interrupted my current conversation with this statement "if people knew that going on a mission was like having plastic surgery everyone would go..." I was bewildered... what on earth was this woman talking about? Then it hit me, she thought I was just home from my mission. She continued "because you look great!" I was highly flattered that this middle-aged woman apparently considered me  to be "up to par". Of course, then she had to take her foot out of her mouth by clarifying "not that you didn't look good before, but now you look great!" How are you supposed to feel when people think you've had work done? My mission trainer would always say "It's the light of Christ" when guys would honk at us while we were tracting. I would hope that that is what this woman saw.


"To do" lists are a thing to be achieved... not just attempted
I am a planner, it's just who I am. It is probably a good thing too because from Monday-Wednesday I was all over the place. My to do list was LONG and full of things that were absolutely imparative. I scheduled them out and just took care of everything. I think each one of those days I left around 7:00 and didn't return until 23:00 or later. I guess that is what happens when you have been gone for 16 months. My goal was to get everything done by New Year's Eve so I could just have a day to relax and have fun and I did it! I was so excited, and I felt really accomplished.


Change = Pain
As previously mentioned, I "NEVER" wanted to live in Provo. Why do I live here? Allow me to enlighten you. Approaching the end of my stay in Germany, I had several options of where to go.


Idaho- which was an option, but not one I wanted.
Salt Lake City- living somewhere... because there is no room for me in the parents' house.
Provo/Orem- I was toying with the idea of attending UVU
Germany- an option that was "comfortable", but progression was limited
California- Kristen and I played around with that idea, but for multiple reasons it didn't work out.


Germany, and Idaho were ruled out almost immediately, sadly so was California. Eventually the plan changed to staying in Salt Lake City, commuting to school. However, I felt if I stayed in Salt Lake City I would stay the person I always was. I was afraid to fall back into the same routine, take back my old job, and return, more or less, to my same social circle. Given my experiences in Germany, I was looking for progression in whatever form possible. Within a week, things turned around completely with all signs pointing to Provo so... here I am.


Provo is it's own bubble, with its own culture. I guess you could say I am having double culture shock. First to be back in America, and second to be living in PROVO.  I have asked myself what on earth I am doing here. Why did I leave the comforts of home to come here? I don't know that there is just one answer for those questions. However, in this week I have learned a lot about myself. I learned that I am a wimp first of all... or I would be if I had left by now. I have been reminded that I am not as cool as I'd hoped. I have been enlightened as to why I don't quit, because it is not in my nature. I am the only person who can truly stop my  progression. I need not allow the person I was to stand between who I am, and who I want to be.


So that is where my story continues, in Provo, UT. I do not love it... but I am not giving up on it just yet. I'll be here working on improving myself, and hopefully through that, improving the world around me.


There you have it, my life up til now. I am going to keep in mind the words of  Harry Solomon when he said "When life gives you lemons... shut up and eat the dang lemons!" So that is what I am going to do I guess. Life is not always what you plan... and thank goodness for that. My life would have been extra lame if It would have  turned out the way I wanted. I am so grateful for a divine, and personalized plan of happiness.


P.S. This is for Ryan since I was reminded last night that I didn't do this


Dream: A dream is a thought of your heart's truest desires that allows you to hope. Dreams drive us to set goals, reach for things until they are in view, and fight for them when they feel far away. True dreamers are doers, not "waiters". Dreams cannot be caught when you are sitting on the ground, they are meant to lift us higher. To catch a dream is to feel the love of God in a true miracle of what has become.