I love you all the way to the moon...

I can´t believe it is already December! The time is flying by so fast, I am completely beside myself. Friday and Saturday were pretty frustrating for me. I was completely spent, but as a whole, this week has been pretty rough. I am starting to get down to the wire, finding a place to live and school etc. etc. while also balancing my job here taking care of the boys while Koko is off "saving the world" in Coppenhagen for 2ish weeks. On top of all that, I have also had a lot to think about, which for me, is not always so great.

The boys have been, as usual, teaching me patience this week... my never-ending virtue. One thing is for sure, they give me a lot to think about. For one, my views on spanking children has changed a little this weekend... the boys are lucky I did not hand them out left and right, but boy did I think about it... which made me reflect a little on my character.  On the other hand, the voice of my father constantly resounds in my head reminding me that they are only children... though now that I think about it... I remember being spanked when I was "only a child" hmm...

It is not all bad though. (I say that to reassure Linze... my replacement) I have said time and time again that the boys are such a bright spot in my life. They make me smile, and laugh, and think. One great example was when I was taking the boys with me to a baptism on Saturday. While we were on the train there was a man who was asking a couple of people seated outside the WC if there was anyone inside. When they responded that they didn´t know the man sat down to wait. Not in any sort of quiet voice, Finn turned to me and said:

"That man needs to use the toilet."
"Yes he does."
"Well he needs to use the toilet so that he doesn´t have a `pee out´"
"Yes, that is very true"
"Yeah. Because if he has a pee out then he will have to go home and change into new pants"

I don´t know who understood him, but I did, and It was enough to make me laugh.

Another example of the good times that make the bad stay in the background, is the love that the boys show to me. I now take their climbing all over me as a sign of love among other things. I don´t know how we got started on this but as we were wrestling one day Nico attacked me with kisses. I then told him "Hey Nico. I love you all the way to the moon." Then he smiled, and looked me right in the eyes and said, "And I love you all the way to Neptune... and back." That is now something we say frequently. As I put the boys to bed one  night this weekend I sat in the chair in their room and just thought. I thought about how much  I really do love them all the way to the moon. I don´t know how I am going to cope without them. I think it is going to be really hard for me. It was hard enough when they started to go to kindergarten and I missed them during the day. Starting on the 24th of December I just have to learn how to go cold turkey without them. I imagine there will be a lot of tears on my part due to my overly tender heart (which makes me feel like an idiot due to one of Ryan´s recent posts) kind of like the ones that are already cascading as I type.

Like I said... rough week.

As if that hasn´t been emotionally stretching enough, we had a really great lesson in my sunday school class about families that reminded me of a conversation Koko and I had a week or so ago. Koko had  asked me what I will focus on in the coming years, what will I put my energy into? Without skipping a beat I told her that I would put all my energy and focus into my family. As I sat through the lesson, I just kept thinking about how important that would be.  I told her that a lot of the decisions that I make now are based on my family... not the one I was born into, but the one that I only hope I will be blessed with one day. There is a reason why the family is the central unit in God´s great plan for us. Everywhere we turn it seems like the world is falling apart, and I believe that the best way to save it is to begin in our own homes. I have to be the kind of person I am, because I have to prepare a family one day to stand against the whilrwinds of the world. We do not have time to be mediocre. I want my children always to know that I love the Lord and have faith in His promises. I want them to know by the way that I live, that I am trying my best to keep my covenants so that my family can stay together.  My family is so important to me... the one I already belong to, and the one that waits for me. If I feel so strongly about these two little boys who are not my own, I can´t even begin to imagine how it will be to love children that truly would be mine. I imagine that that kind of love spans beyond any planet in the universe... and back.