This is the year I'm going to...

It has almost been a year since I made the move to Salt Lake City. I was excited to be a college grad a working professional and a contributor to society. I was so excited for my new beginning and very optimistic for the future. With each new beginning I often find myself saying "This is my year. This is the year I'm going to                ." After finishing off my old journal I went on the search for a new one that could be representative of me. I found the perfect one and received the same journal (except in black) for my birthday from my second family and when I pulled it out I knew that the things written on my journal were the things I wanted for myself in this, my 30th year of life. 

It looks like a lot, but it's mostly just some things I can work on every day and a few things that will take a bit more work, but when I read it I thought "this is what I want for myself." Between my head and my heart, there is a lot going on that I either don't feel safe sharing, or can't quite articulate but since the major request of things people want to know about me is what is going in my life right now through expressing a little bit about my goals. This year I'm going to:

Live [my] dream- Right now, my life long dream is to make a difference. The last time I donated blood they told me I was making a difference with a sticker. Honestly it made me think that beyond donating blood, I really can make a difference. Usually I hope I am making a difference in the small ways I try to show people I care. Everyone deserves to feel loved and to know they matter, that their ideas are not stupid and that they are of infinite worth and as cliche as it might sound, I think if people really understood that, it would make the world a better place.

Show Compassion- I have a tender heart (a blessing and a curse) so I feel like showing compassion comes a little easier to me than it might for others. I'm trying to be more forgiving of my shortcomings and the shortcomings of others. It's not always easy, but I'm working on being Christlike and hoping people can feel the love of God through me. 

Follow [my] heart- This is scary. My tenderheartedness makes me feel more vulnerable and thus, more guarded. However, I'm trying to trust that sometimes, listening to my heart is better than listening to my head. There are just some things in life that are illogical and these are often matters of the heart. 

Create [my] own happiness- I remember one night talking with some roommates during my time in Provo that one of them had expressed she felt like maybe she just wasn't meant to be happy. It was crazy because instantly I knew she was wrong. We all deserve to be happy. This isn't to say we should never be sad, but happiness really is the attainable thing. I'm working on creating my own happiness, mostly I find the next thing helps...

Enjoy the little things- Some of the little things I love that make the world better include but are not limited to the following: Singing in the shower. Waking up without an alarm. Sleeping in. RSL games. My niece and nephew. RAIN. Hugs. A good movie. Latin dancing. Solo apartment dance parties and car dance parties. Painting my nails. Walks (especially with good company). Going to the park. Going for a drive. Anything FAMILY.

Laugh out loud- I love laughing, unfortunately, I don't get to laugh out loud as much as I'd like. There is something about a good laugh that just makes my heart happy. If you can make me laugh, please, come on over!

Make a wish- I actually haven't made any wishes lately. I recently made an attempt to catch my 4th bouquet at a wedding recently, I'm not sure that would count as a wish though. I guess I'm going to have to go throw some coins in a fountain or something.

Be your best self- This is more of a process instead of an event. I am working on this by doing a lot of the aforementioned things but I also feel like my graduate program at the University of Utah is making me a better person but there are a lot of things I could do better. 

Cherish every moment- I need to be better at this, but I do try to stand back a little in different situations and just take it all in. It's those moments where I'm just in awe that this is my life. Even among weeks like the one I just survived, I still consider myself extremely lucky. 

Dream BIG- Right now I am working full-time and attending classes. This is just a small preview of how the fall is going to be when I'm working and doing school full-time so I guess the biggest dream I have is to avoid having to take out a loan unless absolutely necessary. It's definitely not going to be easy, but the less debt I have when I graduate, the better. One thing I have learned from grad school is that it's okay to dream big and it's also important to support other people in their dreams. 

Believe in miracles- I recently wrote a letter to a friend of mine currently serving a mission in Germany which expressed how much I am in awe of modern day miracles. Not even just the "big miracles" but the little miracles that happen every day in each one of us. I am definitely a believer of miracles, they help me remember how much the Lord loves me, and everyone else.

Embrace every possibility- I know that there are possibilities, but I don't always embrace every possibility. Most of this is because I can be stubborn. I would like to think the possibilities I create for myself are all awesome. It always stings a little to admit that a different possibility might be better for me, however, it's something I want to be more open to. 

Remember to breathe- When I was on my mission I found my first gray hair which I promptly made my companion pull out. It was that moment I made a mental note that I needed to remember to breathe. When you're me, it's really easy to stress yourself out so whenever I find myself upset for one reason or another I just stop and try to take some deep breaths. It really works!

Sing in the rain- Have I mentioned how much I love the rain? I've never sung in the rain, just played in it, so this is definitely something I should do this year.

Last of all, this is the year I'm going to...

Fall in love(???)- Does unrequited love count? This is the one my family would really like me to do. It's not that I wouldn't like to fall in love, but anyone who reads my blog knows how I really feel about this subject. I'm not looking for something mediocre. (My soapbox on this subject can be read here.) Besides that, dating has changed a lot since I was 16. I don't know how we managed to do it, but I think we've made dating harder and quite frankly, guys are getting lazy. Yes, I just said that. In their defense, it could just be the guys I'm meeting.

So with all that said, I guess I'd better get to work!